Why They Didn’t Respond: The Power of silence in a culture obsessed with drama

When a public fallout erupts, whether it’s a breakup, a messy friendship ending or a celebrity suddenly being “exposed”, there’s a strange expectation that both sides will speak immediately. People assume that if someone doesn’t respond, it’s because they’re guilty. That silence equals admission. That they’ve let the other person control the narrative.

But here’s what most people don’t realise. The first person to speak is often the one with the most to hide.

In the world of crisis PR, I’ve seen this play out constantly. Angry exes, bitter colleagues, obsessive fans. People using private or invented information as leverage. It happens more often than people think. I’ve worked with countless clients, usually one or two every month, who come to me because someone is threatening to go public with personal details if they don’t get what they want.

In one case, an A-list, household-name client received a voice note from someone making serious allegations. In that message, which was quickly deleted, the person openly admitted they knew what they were saying wasn’t true. “Pay up or I’ll destroy your life.” That was the threat. Luckily, it was saved in time. Without it, that narrative could have easily become the public record.

Sometimes, all it takes is a single photo. One selfie with a public figure, and suddenly people believe any story attached to it must be true. The manipulation that happens behind the scenes still shocks me. And when I see something playing out online between two people, one of them loudly sharing every detail while the other stays silent, I always think the same thing. What’s really going on here?

People forget there are two sides to every story.

So if someone chooses not to respond, here’s why that silence might actually be the most strategic move they can make.

1. It’s tacky, and it rarely ends well

Publicly dragging someone online almost never lands the way people think it will. Yes, it can gain traction in the moment. But credibility often fades just as fast. Sometimes the accusations are true, but other times the tone turns nasty, details stop adding up, or people start to question the motives behind the post. Once it becomes a spectacle, public support slips away.

Any experienced legal or PR advisor would strongly advise against launching a public attack like this. If someone is posting anyway, it’s likely they’re acting out of panic, emotion, or simply refusing to follow professional advice. In most situations, this kind of behaviour does more harm than good.

2. It affects other people

The person choosing silence might not be doing it for themselves. They could be protecting their children, family members, a new partner, or mutual friends. A public fallout doesn’t just impact the two people involved. There’s always collateral.

In many of the cases I’ve worked on, the accuser has been clearly struggling mentally. The accused, often the more public-facing person, tells me they would rather be attacked online than risk escalating things with someone in a fragile state. I’ve heard this exact phrase from clients: “I’ll take the online hate if it keeps them safe.” That’s not guilt. That’s someone making a protective choice, even if it costs them emotionally or reputationally.

3. It’s nobody’s business

Unless something directly affects the public, like a financial scam, a cancelled tour or widespread harm, it doesn’t need to be explained. Not every relationship breakdown or personal falling-out belongs in the public domain. Just because one person decides to make it everyone’s business doesn’t mean the other side has to match their energy.

Some people want privacy, and that should still be allowed.

4. They are being advised to stay quiet

In legal cases, silence is often required. Whether it’s a lawsuit, police investigation or private settlement, lawyers will usually advise against making any public statement. And for good reason. Even a carefully worded post can be used against you later.

Here’s something most people don’t know. In legal terms, an apology can be considered an admission of guilt. Saying “I’m sorry”, even casually, may be interpreted as taking full responsibility. That can be devastating in court. This is why so many PR statements are carefully phrased, vague or delayed. They’re designed to protect people from creating legal risk by trying to sound sincere.

5. They don’t want to feed the fire

Many clients I work with want one thing, for it to be over. They aren’t looking to clap back or expose the other side. They’re exhausted. They’re scared. They’ve already been dragged into something they didn’t want, and they just want it to stop.

They also know how the internet works. People love chaos. Once something goes public, it becomes content. Just look at how quickly the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni situation became an opportunity for random TikTok accounts to grow their audience. People are making memes, splicing together videos and turning a stranger’s emotional fallout into engagement bait.

I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to provide free entertainment for that.

Imagine you’re going through a breakup. Your mental health is in pieces. You’ve got work stress or family issues on top of it all. And now, thousands of strangers are dissecting your life, publicly accusing you of things based on one emotional, half-true post. Influencers are posting commentary. Strangers are making edits. People are sending you hate messages while someone else spins the story.

I wouldn’t respond either.

6. They’re guilty

Not much to add, but it could simply be they’ve been called out and that they have no defence.

Why some people choose to go public

There are, of course, people who speak out because they’re hurt. They want to feel seen. They feel like they’ve been mistreated or silenced, and posting online can feel like a way to reclaim power or get justice. In some cases, it might be the only way they feel heard. And I do believe many public statements come from genuine emotion and very real pain.

But that’s not always the full picture.

If you step back and observe, you might start to notice a pattern. Some of those who speak out gain a sudden platform. Their following increases. They’re invited onto podcasts, quoted in articles and positioned as spokespeople for wider issues. Sometimes this happens naturally. Other times, it’s clearly part of a strategic rebrand or soft launch into a new public identity.

One thing I’ve learnt to look for, and this is where I start getting suspicious, is when someone doesn’t just post once, but continues to share follow-ups, updates, clarifications and more “context” over a period of days or weeks. It starts to feel less like someone who needed to get something off their chest, and more like someone trying to maintain attention. A single emotional post, while still risky, can sometimes come from a place of pain or frustration. But when it turns into an ongoing series, it becomes harder to ignore the engagement that’s driving it.

I get major red flags when I see that play out. Because if it truly wasn’t about attention, the person would usually stop at the initial post, especially if it was already a lot. But when someone keeps feeding more, I start to question the motive.

That’s not to say the pain isn’t real. But I’ve seen too many cases where someone claims to be raising awareness or speaking up for others, while privately tearing the other person down or using it as leverage behind the scenes.

And the truth is, things are rarely black and white. Two people can describe the same relationship, event or fallout and tell completely different stories, both of which they believe. I’ve spoken to countless people who’ve shown me evidence that paints an entirely different version of what’s being presented online. Things are never as clean-cut as the public assumes.

Just because a story is being told loudly, doesn’t mean it’s the full story.

Silence doesn’t equal guilt. Sometimes it means maturity. Sometimes it means legal protection. And sometimes it means someone is trying to survive something bigger than the public will ever see.

Not everyone wants to feed a machine that turns real people into trending topics.

So the next time someone goes quiet during a public scandal, don’t assume it’s because they have nothing to say. It might be because they know how much worse it gets when you try to explain yourself to people who already made up their minds.

Silence isn’t weakness. Sometimes it’s just self-respect.